It’s moments after kickoff of the home opener at Soldier Field, and the Bears defense is moving toward the Buccaneers’ twenty. Calling the signals will be star linebacker Brian Urlacher, he of the arthritic back, coming off neck surgery but having just held up the Halas Hall wonks to the tune of $6 million up front and $1M more per year to agree to be happy, after the nearly $31M he had already collected on his 2003 deal wasn’t enough. Lance Briggs is there, too, trying not to laugh after declaring in a very public way that he’d never suit up for the Bears again, ever. All he did was pocket $7M+ in 2007 and then sign the Bears’ 6-year, $36M offer, including somewhere around another $12M guaranteed, when nobody else stepped up for his services. Tommie Harris grabs his helmet and heads out having also gotten his, inking a deal that included a check for $18M as part of $40M over four years, as well as Alex Brown, who received a $5M advance to stay for an extra two seasons. This is on top of the $33M guaranteed given to Nathan Vasher and Charles Tillman when they signed their extensions in 2007, the $15M plopped down in front of Adewale Ogunleye when he joined the Bears in 2004, and the more than $14M paid to Mike Brown since he re-upped before his recent spate of injuries. Add in the hundreds of thousands direct deposited into the accounts of Hunter Hillenmeyer, Jamar Williams, Danieal Manning, Israel Idonije, Dusty Dvoracek, Brandon McGowan and Kevin Payne each week and you just might avoid foreclosure.

 

And as the Bears defense strides confidently toward their huddle, what do you think blares over the stadium loudspeakers?

 

Aaron Copland’s Fanfare for the Common Man.

 

I guess that’s appropriate, as a defense that boasts six former Pro Bowlers and an alternate looked decidedly ordinary through their four practice games. They weren’t able to rush the passer, but that was no matter when they were giving up chunks of yardage on the ground that made throwing the ball an unnecessary luxury. The chains were moving so fast the paint wore off.

 

Why the sudden decline? Or has it been sudden? A defense led by Ron Rivera ranked at or near the top of the league in 2006 until Tommie Harris went down, and still they managed to finish 5th without Harris and Mike Brown on their way to a date in Super Bowl XLI. Then Rivera was run off for what can only be described as “philosophical differences” when Lovie wanted to install his lapdog Bob Babich in Rivera’s place. With essentially the same talent Babich’s defense plummeted to 28th in the league, including 24th against the run (6th in 2006) and 27th against the pass (11th). Takeaways dropped from 44 to 33 while touchdowns allowed climbed from 29 to 39. Maybe it was injuries, or maybe the learning curve for Babich’s brand of defense works more like a boomerang.

 

Or maybe the defense’s poor preseason showing had to do with the more relaxed atmosphere prevailing at Club Lovie in Bourbonnais this summer. Totally gone were the two-a-days that have been a staple as long as I can remember, replaced by weightlifting, classroom studies, aromatherapy, who knows? Contact was de-emphasized, as were tackling drills. I half expected to see Tony Medlin running around handing out beach towels and delivering umbrella drinks.

 

We’ve heard it said that Lovie’s reason was to keep his team healthy, but I think it was more likely to give his porous offensive line some encouragement. Like the parent who says, “Great job! You did your best!” after his kid strikes out on three balls in the dirt and then lets the winning run score on a slow roller through his legs, Lovie just wants to fill his offensive linemen with a false sense of hope. I used to use the metaphor of a swinging gate in describing Fred Miller. Now I look at the entire offensive line and envision the long gate on a corral, with John Tait playing the role of hinge. Whether Tait plays on the left or right side won’t matter, as the protection is going to cave in from the other end. And old hinge Tait is looking a bit rusty and creaky these days, too.

 

All this doesn’t even begin to consider questions at the other positions on offense. Once again there’s a new starting quarterback, and we wonder, will Shemp survive long enough to find his groove? In Matt Forte and Kevin Jones, the Bears have their best pair of running backs since Walter Payton and Neal Anderson combined back in the mid-‘80s. But will the Forte-Jones combo be able to create something out of nothing as Payton did behind a mid-‘70s quality line? And what about the wide receivers? It’s unlikely any of the six on the Bears’ depth chart would be starting elsewhere in the NFL, but does it even matter if Shemp is lying on his back? To find out, read…

 

 

***

 

THE SKINNY

 

9/7 @ Indianapolis – Watching Dwight Freeney and company breeze into the Bears’ backfield gives The Miser an idea. If he can attach wind turbines to the Bears’ offensive line, he could use the energy they generate to power the Halas Hall of Mirrors! Any kind of pass rush tonight might have made it interesting against an injury-depleted Colts offensive front. L 0-1

 

9/14 @ Carolina – Muhsin Muhammad gets a chance to show he’s been resurrected with his old team after telling Sports Illustrated and the world that Chicago is where receivers go to die. We’ll see whether his rebirth includes actually catching the ball as he starts opposite D.J.Hackett, with Steve Smith still serving a suspension for punching out a teammate. W 1-1

 

9/21 BUCCANEERS – Moving quickly to tap his new revenue stream while capitalizing on the push for green energy, The Miser signs Exelon as the naming rights sponsor of the Bears’ offensive line with the slogan, “A Low-Carbon Roadmap to the Quarterback.” W 2-1

 

9/28 EAGLES – Another late Sunday game against Philly, but Brian Griese isn’t around this time to embarrass the Bears’ coaching staff by calling plays on a game-winning drive. L 2-2

 

10/5 @ Detroit – The Bears feel right at home during their trip to the Motor City, reading in the Free Press about a local public official under indictment. Detroit mayor Kwame Kilpatrick faces ten felony counts including perjury, conspiracy, obstruction of justice and misconduct in office. In other news, Chicago’s City Hall thinks Kilpatrick is perfect for a deputy administrator post. W 3-2

 

10/12 @ Atlanta – If Jerry Angelo had signed Michael Turner he could have spent his second round pick as well on restocking the OL pipeline. Good thing for the Bears that it’s still early in the season and rookie Falcons’ QB Matt Ryan hasn’t gotten used to NFL coverages. W 4-2

 

10/19 VIKINGS – Bernard Berrian said his performance in Chicago suffered because he had 12 quarterbacks throwing to him, but the real reason is those 12 QBs needed Berrian to be wide open or risk seeing him let the opposing cornerback take the ball out of his alligator arms. Hopefully somebody in the secondary will step up and give him a warm welcome back. L 4-3

 

10/26 BYE Is there still baseball being played in Chicago?

 

11/2 LIONS – In the market for a new valise, The Miser hires Tatum Bell and outfits him in a bell captain’s uniform, sending him over to the Hyatt to meet the Detroit team bus and help unload their baggage. The plan might have worked if Rudi Johnson hadn’t spotted Bell wearing his shoes. W 5-3

 

11/9 TITANS   Now that Vince Young has learned the hard truth about being a scrambling QB in the NFL, the Bears have a shot if Babich can conceive of a way to contain Young and force him to throw to guys like Justin Gage. Unfortunately, the Bears’ offense can’t get anything going against a Tennessee front that includes Jevon Kearse, Albert Haynesworth and Kyle Vanden Bosch.  L 5-4

 

11/16 @ green bay – Brian Brohm makes his first career start after season-ending injuries to Aaron “Neckbeard” Rodgers (razor/jugular) and Matt Flynn (log splitter/foot) force Brohm to the top of the depth chart. Local fans wonder; whatever happened to that other guy? W 6-4

 

11/23 @ St. Louis – On the indoor turf of the Edward Jones dome Devin Hester again shows why the Rams’ coverage units are consistently among the worst in the NFL. Blitzing Bears D makes it a long night for Rams’ Marc Bulger. W 7-4

 

11/30 @ Minnesota – Bears’ defenders hide behind hand-held John McCain masks found underneath their bench, remnants of the Republican National Convention, as the Vikings’ Adrian Peterson again makes a farce of Bob Babich’s game plan. L 7-5

 

12/7 JAGUARS – Babich has his hands full figuring out how to stop the running tandem of Fred Taylor and Maurice Jones-Drew in a Soldier Field battle of playoff contenders that NBC just may want on Sunday night. L 7-6

 

12/11 SAINTS – The Bears introduce the newest catchphrase in their “One City. One Team.” campaign – “One Stadium. Two Sides.”, as the halftime cameras pan the vacant club seats in the east stands where all the “fans” are inside the bankrupt United Club enjoying beverages, oblivious to the game while the rest of the unwashed masses cope with the reality of the elements outdoors. W 8-6

 

12/22 packers – Creaky 45-year old Vinny Testaverde gets the start for the evil empire on Monday Night Football, after Brohm (snow blower/right forearm) and Craig Nall (ice saw/calf) were also placed on IR. Soldier Field loudspeakers play “New York, New York,” possibly as a swan song for the Brooklyn-born former Heisman Trophy winner? W 9-6

 

12/28 @ Houston – Lovie runs the table in the wrong direction against AFC opponents, and the Bears have to hope for some help from around the rest of the league for a chance to play in January. L 9-7

 

***

 

Stating the obvious, the Bears are in a rebuilding mode - whether Jerry Angelo wants to admit it or not. The real question is; can Angelo rebuild on the fly? If there’s any reason for optimism it comes from the parity that continues to prevail in the NFL, providing a steady stream of inept opponents that the defense should feast upon if Bob Babich ever figures out how to use his guys.

 

That said, you have to wonder how it must have felt for Babich to watch Lovie and Angelo let his best nickel back go without getting so much as a pair of used cleats in compensation. What was it that Ricky Manning, Jr. said to get buried so deeply in the doghouse? Did The Miser get shorted a rasher of bacon on his Grand Slam?

 

In their relentless pursuit of a place on the field for Danieal Manning, Lovie installed Danieal into the starting nickel spot with the same amount of competition that gave Rex Grossman the QB job in years past (read: none) while cousin Junior languished in the bowels of the depth chart, and now we’re hearing that Brandon McGowan is getting reps at nickel as Danieal’s possible replacement while Kevin Payne finds himself inserted as the starting strong safety opposite Mike Brown. This whole thing has the same stench as Ron Rivera’s dismissal, with a bit of the draftee love that convinced Angelo the solid Chris Harris was expendable thrown in. Simply put, for whatever reason Junior’s release was a spite cut. It’s all good if the guys the Bears kept can step up and make plays, but given Babich’s track record coaching them up you have reason to doubt. We’ll find out whether they can when the 6-5, 230 pound quarterback with the laser rocket arm and the balky knee puts them to the test on opening night.

 

The real problem with this whole rebuilding thing is that the defense is aging before our eyes while the offensive line has already applied for AARP benefits. Trying to correct the problem, Angelo brought in two pre-injured players to fill out his line. When first round pick Chris Williams blurted out a few weeks ago that everybody at the draft knew he had a disc condition in his lower back, Angelo hastily called a press conference to angrily refute the notion that Williams came pre-injured. Methinks the GM doth protest too much. My advice to Angelo for the next offseason would be to cut back on his moonlighting job doing those Enzyte commercials and spend a little more time pouring over the medical histories of the guys he’s considering selecting.

 

So desperate was Angelo for help after Williams’ “new” back injury that Jerry was seen visiting the Antiques Roadshow and offering Fred Miller a one-year deal to return. (As of this writing Miller is still “considering” it, if that isn’t a slap in the Bears’ face.) I don’t know about you, but I always found something ironic about Miller wearing number 69. I can imagine Kyle Orton having nightmares right now, sensing the pocket collapsing around him (he’ll get good at that) and looking out to his right for Jason McKie in the flat, only to see the back of Miller’s jersey growing ever larger, and thinking to himself, “Oh man, here it comes. I’m about to be a bad man’s boyfriend again.”

 

Angelo also returned the sixth-round pick he got from Tampa in exchange for Brian Griese, picking up Bucs’ castoff Dan Buenning in the process. Buenning started every game as a rookie three years ago but tore up a knee in 2006 and hasn’t been able to get back on the field since. He’s an interesting addition if he stays healthy, but where have I heard that before?

 

Where have you gone, Octus Polk?

 

Rusty Jones was hired back in 2005 to improve the fitness of the squad and cut down on injuries, but what’s the point if the solution all along was simply to run a walkthrough every day during camp? It just seems backwards to me that instead of going full speed and forcing the OL to catch up to the quality of the defense, Club Lovie was run in slow motion so that his prized defense could keep their health. For one thing, maybe having Tommie Harris beat on Olin Kreutz’s head day after day would get Kreutz to remember he has to make sure the quarterback has the ball before getting into his blocking assignment. That is the first job of the center, isn’t it? We long for the days in Platteville, when guys like Mark Bortz, Jimbo Covert, Richard Dent, Dan Hampton, Jay Hilgenberg and Steve McMichael regularly tore into each other, turning all of them into Pro Bowlers and sending Danimal on to Canton.

 

The playoff window may indeed need its sash repaired, but there’s still time to pry it open and make a playoff run with the nucleus of one of the NFL’s best defenses intact. Maybe Jerry Angelo, Lovie Smith and their staffs bought into the fantasy that they had created a self-sustaining talent machine like the Patriots after the Bears made it to XLI, but they forgot the part about annually restocking the roster with quality players and being flexible enough to use them to their greatest advantage. In addition to the draft, target (and pay) the right free agents – the Bears signed none this year, and there were several quality offensive linemen to be had. Play the best eleven guys on each side of the ball – why is Jamar Williams sitting on the bench watching Hunter Hillenmeyer? Scheme to take advantage of your strengths – play Forte and Jones at the same time; figure out a way to get Forte, Clark and Olsen into a pattern without getting Kyle Orton killed. Promote Bob Babich into a “quality control” position and hire a real defensive coordinator.

 

                                                                                    ***

 

Last year the Giants of New Jersey teetered on the brink of elimination all season long. One play, say a blown replay reversal in Chicago on national television for example, could have left them out of the postseason tournament, but they managed to hang on, wound up running the playoff table on the road and now they’ve hosted the NFL’s opening night as Super Bowl champs.

 

So maybe it’s not too late. Maybe Shemp can survive with John St. Clair protecting his blind side and begin to thrive when Chris Williams’ back heals and he finally takes over at left tackle. Maybe Tommie Harris’ knee will get better and he’ll return to being the force he was in early 2006, rather than just good. Maybe Craig Steltz will come on later in the season and truly be the second coming of Doug Plank, instead of Adam Archuleta in training wheels. You know, the audacity of hope?

 

Nah.

 

The Last Bear Fan

September 4, 2008